A Woman's Wardrobe Bigger Than Sex

“A survey of American women found that most valued their favorite clothes more than sex, and would gladly abstain for 15 months in exchange for an entirely new wardrobe.” (The Week 2/16/07)

 

I ran across this little piece of information recently and couldn’t resist sharing my thoughts and opinions on the matter. The first thing that popped into my head was, “what is wrong with men that we overemphasize sex so much that we can’t bear the thought of abstaining from sex for just about anything?” I also thought, “what are men doing wrong in the bedroom that so disinterests their wives that they could give up sex for something as material and trivial as some new clothes?” Only after these two thoughts did I consider that something may be wrong with women not wanting to have sex to the point of willingly abstaining for new clothing. As these thought were pondered in my mind I put my professional counseling skills to task to see if I could psychoanalyze this situation and see what might be the interest in such information. Here’s what I’ve come up with.

            First I believe a man’s identity as a man is much more closely associated with his sexuality than a woman’s identity is associated with her sexuality. For this reason, when a man reads this information his reaction is somewhat astonished in that he cannot identify with much of anything that would motivate him to abstain from sexual relations with his wife. After all, when he’s sexually active he feels much more a man. However, a woman’s identity is not so influenced by her sexuality. Or is it? Maybe what I am really meaning to say is that a man’s identity is associated with his ability to have sex, not so much his sexuality. These things are different you know. We can be sexual without actually having sex. Is not a woman appealing to her own sexuality when she’s so highly motivated to seek out a new wardrobe? In other words, she is possibly discovering or at least seeking out something about her own sexuality when she is thrilled at the thought of wearing new clothes. New clothes bring out the possibilities of a new look, a new curve, a new accent that would attract the eye of the opposite sex. And why is a woman interested in being seen, noticed, should I even say desired by the opposite sex? Because she too is sexual and receives feminine identity from her sense of sexuality.

            So even at first blush, reading that most women in America value their wardrobe more than sex may seem humorous or even frustrating (if you’re a guy). Yet, it makes sense. Between males and females, who are the sexual seekers and the sexually sought? Being a seeker means satisfaction is found in attaining what has been sought after. Being the object of one’s finding means satisfaction is found in the pursuit. For a woman, being pursued is much more exciting and fulfilling than actually being attained. For a man, attaining what you’ve been pursuing is the thrill.

            I cannot leave without giving the readers some practical application. What do we learn from this little piece of information that can help us as husbands and wives in our sexual relationship?

Men – pursue your wife. Don’t allow the ring on her finger and the fact that you share a bedroom dupe you into thinking she will always be yours. You must always continually pursue her. This means verbally praise her, how she looks, her beautiful eyes and hair, her voluptuous body, your favorite outfits, the way she smells. Let her know you are still pursuing her.

Women – be a pursuable object for your husband. Be proud that you want to look good for him. Take care of your body and dress beautifully. Be the object of his desire and protect your beauty from other men. Be satisfied with his stares and his pleasure in your appearance, not others. Let him know you are still worth pursuing.